Firstly, a warmly welcome to all my new readers! I am so curious about you guys, who on earth are you reading my blog?:) Go ahed, tell me! I have to admit that I was mad chocked when I scaned through my statistics this morning, such an increaing. You see folks, being honest brings value.

I speek to you later, it is time for dinner with frinds. Btw, I am free tomorow - means - daily luxury!  

Bisous♥ 

Finally, the week has turn into weekend – and I am so content. We had the mid - term exam this week and I have to admit that I felt more than one nerves before, but as soon as began writing, the flow was there. Love those days, days when one’s mind is totally free of charge and liberated. Well, being in such a scenario puts you in a good mood to create and everything can come about. I love the word create; it is a truly “powerful open up mechanism”, if you like, a function which open up for your dreams. And that is to say – really a hallelujah dreaming moment!

On the whole, we have had a nice, cozy evening in good company, thou I chose my bed in prior to Salsa tonight. I am too tired and worn out for “shaking my Swedish hips” so I did the right thing. Well well, maybe tomorrow, who knows?

Btw, I was so close to jump on a train to Strasbourg and surprise my älskling (he is about three hours by TGV far from me). But I do have a bunch of work to finish before Monday so I was a good girl and stayed here in Paris. Hey, that is to say, aren`t you proud of your daughter – mammy, daddy?!

Penny is already asleep, and I am not short after. Stay tuned. Sleep like princesses or princes or why not the both!



                                              

It really works. Being humble, loving, honest and grateful make such a different in ones daily life. Besides, we had a truly good night here in Paris. I am rested and motivated, again. Life is sort of generous in terms of “the new chance” each Monday give us. In addition, it’s like an endless menu for all tastes – and you chose according to your preferences. I would say that the tricky thing is to see and really understand all the offers which are given. There is a wide range of delicacies and something to pick for everyone. That’ is pretty fab, nice and such a gift. So why don`t we better use it – the gift? Well, I know, easier writing than doing.  

It seems like the fall is here, I love the autumn. Especially the colorful leaves and knowing the fact that you, most likely will end up your day under a warm blanket with a hot chocolate; well of course, with cream on it. So now, I having my black cup of coffee and preparing for my morning run. I speak to you later. Take care.


                                                                

Tonight we spoke about Christmas, me and baby. Since I love traveling by car, we are actually thinking by so going to Sweden in December. That should be cozy, just us - me, Raffe and Penny in a car during Christmas time. Time will tell. I have an important exam in December as well as Raffe has a boxing fight somewhere in the middle. 
  I am glad it`s Monday tomorrow which means the University and back to basic. This weekend has included all potentially feelings, all from misery to highly amusing laughing. Again, I am glad this weekend soon is over, I finished today´s work and I am finally heading for lovely bed. I have a feeling that this night going to be a god night. Also, I am so privileged having you in my life, all of you. Life is indeed god and you`d better remind yourself about that fact every single day, or if you want, moment.

Stay tuned.

You`re not a victime - you`re not! Did you get it? I did`n t. Neither did you? OK.

YOU ARE NOT A VICTIME!



You are all that you want to be!

You can´t imagine or even have a slightly clue how I have been waiting for this day. This Thursday, October 15 October. Since I moved to Paris, in the end of august 2009, I have been put on weight, oh my gosh! Personally, feeling and looking like this is indeed my first time – I have never been overweight in my whole life, except from now. So this is a totally new experience for me. Yes, you heard right, I have become overweight within 2 months. It`s terrible and terrible, and even more terrible – it`s hell and not to mention self-destructive. I am not writing this begging for your compassion. No.

I am entering into a new chapter of my life. I will raise and share a million dollar issue with you; I am talking about eating disorders. Not necessarily Anorexia and Bulimia Nervosa – all kind of food addiction/abusing or binge eating.  

I will tell you, I am nervous to such an extent. Yes, right here and right now. I admit that I am dead frightened to start write about eating disorders, this time in my real identity, in this blog. I cannot think I am doing it.  Believe me; I will do my truly best effort to recover from my eating disorder, Bulimia Nervosa and I will also provide you with tips and tricks regarding this issue. I will help you who are suffering from these disorders; there is nothing more essential in my life to give and help you. You got my word on that.  

I am sorry it took me over 8 years having the courage to write this post.




                                                      

Because I can`t keep on doing this anymore, I have reached the peak of an (read the ultimate bottom) intolerable life style. I am tired, tired of hiding things; for you, for the world, but most importantly - for myself. I know I am into something big now, huge and revolutionary. I will tell you, and pay attention my dear - I am just telling you this once. This blog is running into a new dimension, my blog will turn into its honesty personified. I am so fed up, I am so sick of tired being 50% human, being 50% me. No, it cannot be the purpose of being a free human? Impossible. I do not give a penny from this day and on, in case of avoid to write certain things down. It has taking me 23 years to realize this – finally I reached this essential insight. I`m telling you, I have been waiting, oh Lord I have! Now, I am 16 pounds bigger, but 100 times more confident and ready for going out there, going out there and being me. This will be the hardest challenge so far.

In conclusion, what you will see and what you will read is what you will get. Dear reader, are you with me or not? Are you with me wiping out all those millions of unfavorable inhibitions? Inhibitions in terms of mechanisms that holding us back from being a 100% true human? It is mad time for a change.

Who says my hair must be straight
To land the best mate
My shape go in here
And still dart out there
Who says my hands should be small
And my feet even smaller
That I should be tall
But not that much taller
Who says my arms must be toned
My body small-boned
My lips full and red
My stomach unfed
Who says my legs should be lean
My fat never seen
My skin should be tan
My frame like a man
Who says my eyes should be wide
With not much inside
My mouth the same way
With not much to say
Who says my face should be sweet
I watch how I eat
My nose small and cute
My point of view moot
Who says I must be pristine
Avoid being mean
I always look right
By no means should fight
Who says?

WHO?

This is something particular with mornings, especially these mornings when everybody seems to be so nice. Nice in terms of "they are" laughing uncontrollable, running rapidly and loving..like ever doing before. Not to mention, drinking "café noir" oh mon dieux - here in Paris people do drink a lot of café noir. I am not able to stop starring at those French men drinking café; it is like their having their last definite café ever. Further, I am fascinated of the French people; I can analyze them in hours. I never seem to get bored, not at all. 

Yesterday I had an exam, my first exam at AUP. Well, I was not in my "typical harmonized senses", thou I think I did well. But I am neither happy nor confident with my performance; I know I can do million times better, or billion. Really, I was in another world, planet during the setting..I am glad I have such nice Professors here in Paris who truly encouraged me afterwards, by just showing their positive selves. In addition, we have to American Professors in our class, Rick and Misha, both are cool, two pretty much funny personalities. I like working with them and I appreciate and enjoy their way of teaching. 

Today, I am extra thankful for following:

I have an amazing, crazy, beautiful and totally outstanding man!




I never waking up alone, Penny is more and less, always there..somewhere in the bed!



I have never been more certain about my ambition in life and choice of career!



I just want to sream out, mad loud how indeed grateful I am for my bunch of perfect friends - Majja, Rafael, Peter, Marianne, Malin, Isabella, Carro, Ann, Ulf,  Åsa - ahh vad jag älskar er!

,


 



    

Today I realized such wonderful family I do have. It seems to me, that I time to time, more and less forgets this enormous privilege.  The fact that this is what sometimes happening causes me unnecessary pain. Unnecessary hurting in terms of worries, anxious and a great deal fear. Fear of what you might wonder? So do I, but I guess it is all psychological which more than often may be mislead.  I am pretty sure I am right about this; still it is so hard to come up with a change in order to feel better and also, think more positive. Why on earth should the brain be so mad complicated? In addition, I many times harmonizes excellently along with my mind, but since I came to Paris it has not been the case. Besides, I wonder if it has to do with the whole overwhelming thing, moving to a new country, study in a new language, living in a French speaking family (do not misunderstand me, my French family here in Paris is amazing)  and meeting new people.  

When I hear myself thinking, when I am see me writing I feel like I am home. I am in unite with my existence, I am the real me and the one I never want to heart. Thou, this is what happens some time, I am letting myself down and act in a non self gaining way I have to let it go. Moreover, I had to forget, understand and accept – accept that things are in a sort of way.  Further, you need to allow all your sides as well as all your emotions need to take place. Luckily, there is room for every single, tiny little feeling, all with their particular significance. Is n` it that nice? I believe so.


To sum it up, today`s wisdom if you want, “accept everything in life but never forget being grateful”.